Good morning baseball fans!
As we approach the beginning of the season, we’re going to be doing some questions for y’all about your thoughts about the San Francisco Giants and baseball in general!
Today’s question: What would be the darkest timeline for this season?
For those unfamiliar with the premise of the “darkest timeline,” it’s based on the episode of Community titled “Remedial Chaos Theory” in which a storyline plays out in various alternate realities based on the decision of which one of the main characters would go downstairs to get pizza.
You’ve probably seen the bit where Donald Glover’s character re-enters the scene with the pizzas while everything around him is on fire. And that wasn’t even the darkest timeline, just the most memorable (and meme-able) moment.
Basically the darkest timeline is the worst possible outcome with everything going as wrong as it could possibly go based on one factor changing.
A Giants example of this would be kind of like the 2021 team busting their butts, winning every game they possibly could win, only to have the Los Angeles Dodgers keep pace with them until the bitter end and ultimately overtake them in the first round of the playoffs because they were all tired as heck. And the Dodgers are like the monster in a horror movie.
You could also make a case for the 2011 season going pear-shaped after Buster Posey was injured. Or simply Game 6 of the 2002 World Series.
But in keeping with the spirit of the prompt, I’m going to go in a comical direction (read: joke. this is going to be a joke) and lay out my scenario for what could be the darkest timeline for the 2026 team.
On Opening Day, Tony Vitello is being hounded by the press after his recent statements about the handling of the announcement of his hiring, which causes a few too many people to be in a pre-game press conference in the dugout.
One of the attendees tries to toss a banana peel into the trash on their way out, but doesn’t realize they missed because they’re distracted by Lou Seal carrying a tray of drinks, dancing on the top of the dugout. Raphael Devers then slips on the banana peel, in cartoonish fashion, leading to a season ending injury.
Jung Hoo Lee and Willy Adames try to help, but Devers knocked over the water cooler on his way down and everything is slippery, so they crash into each other and end up on the concussion protocol for weeks.
Logan Webb attempts to set a good example to the rest of his team, and goes to warm up for the game. Unfortunately, he gets stung by a bee, causing him to throw an errant pitch directly into the knee of Matt Chapman, sidelining him for several days or even weeks, depending on the results of his MRI.
Lou Seal attempts to help boost morale by bringing the tray of drinks to the remaining players in the dugout, but trips on his way down the steps and spills hot coffee everywhere, as Patrick Bailey yells: “My eyes! The doctor said I’m not supposed to get coffee in them!”
The entirety of the infield and half of the relievers are now down with third degree burns, so Vitello begs the ownership to make corresponding moves immediately so they can actually field a team. But they’ve already spent too much money on real estate developments for the year, so they just send him deeds to various properties to shove into gloves and he tells them to take the field. And the season is over before it’s even started.
Annnnd, scene.
Feel free to come up with your own comical scenario, or go with something more realistic and depressing. Up to you!
What would be the darkest timeline for this season?